The outcome isn't your responsibility

Focusing on the end result buries transformational opportunities under the guise of success, chaining you to fear and shame.

“Who said it was going to be easy?”  Right. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

I can’t remember the dilemma I was facing at the time, but I do recall being taken aback by the blunt response. Whatever approach I was being encouraged to consider, my first retort (more like lament) was: “well, it’s not easy”.  

The candid invitation was a necessary reality check, and I needed that matter of fact, no bullshiat response to refocus my attention on where it mattered. I allowed difficulty to get in the way of doing everything within my power to get what I wanted - and that was out of character for me. The friction stirred up wounds that wanted comfort. I didn’t really want solutions - I just wanted someone to agree with me so I could vindicate my own experience and excuse myself from doing my part to make the situation better. I wanted someone else to fix the problem. But agreement didn’t make the problem go away and shirking responsibility certainly didn’t move me closer to where I wanted to be.

Nobody said it was going to be easy. That was the penny drop I needed in that moment to begin accepting what I couldn’t control and lean into the discomfort that waited for me in the things that I could. So what if it wasn’t easy? What did easy have to do with it?

Easy…hard…I’ve caught myself saying both often this last year - typically in response to other’s difficulties. “That’s not easy” or… “Yeah, that’s hard” - as if sympathy makes any difference to the other person’s circumstance. But challenge doesn’t abdicate action. Challenge doesn’t excuse responsibility. And challenge sure as heck doesn’t justify accepting less than the desired circumstances. 

These words - easy, hard - irk me each time I catch myself falling back on such lazy comments. What I really want to say is: What are you going to do about that? Because that’s where your power lies. In the doing. Easy and hard are irrelevant. They are a matter of perception and you can change your perception. How you respond is what moves the needle between getting what you want, or letting what you want go. 

What I’ve realized - both with my personal goals and my artistic practice - is that the outcome isn’t my responsibility. I couldn’t tell you the number of conversations I have with people facing a dilemma or a decision who wonder if a particular choice is “worth it”, but my response stays the same: if you’re clear on why you’re making the choice, and it’s coming from an informed and value-aligned place then it doesn’t matter if it’s worth it. It doesn’t matter if hindsight would have made you choose something different because in this present moment you can’t know what hindsight would give you. You can only make the best decision you can with the information you have now, and that needs to be enough. Be clear on why you’re making your decision and stand with strength in that. What happens after isn’t your responsibility because what comes next isn’t up to you. 

The place in which you operate from is your responsibility.
Are you integrally aligned with what you want and why you’re choosing it?
Are you exhibiting the same behaviours that you’re asking from others?
Are you stepping bravely into the unfamiliar to create new patterns?
Are you open to unveiling the shadowy truths about yourself?
Do you value the process of becoming the highest version of yourself more than you value validation?
Are you consciously seeking love, fulfillment and satisfaction from internal sources?
Are you acting out of love towards yourself and with humanity for others?

These are your responsibilities.

Focusing on the end result buries the transformational opportunities under the guise of success. It moves you out of presence, instead chaining you to fear and shame. The friction that comes from standing on the precipice of what scares you (even the tiniest of hesitations) is the key to a door that leads deeper into you. And on the other side is a more free, more resilient and more loving version of you.

Taking radical responsibility, getting curious, and exhibiting wholehearted honesty requires courage. And nobody said that was going to be easy. 

P.S. The canvas is my vessel to challenge the fears, limitations, doubts, and questions that arise when I’m standing on the precipice. When I notice myself afraid to make a bold mark, cover something up, add a new colour, etc…that becomes my invitation to step forward and choose to act in faith. To commit. To go all in on what could be. To discover how I feel about the outcome and learn how to move through it if it doesn’t work the way I wanted. 

The canvas is my invitation to soften into where I resist. To choose learning and growth over shying away from what’s hard. To find flow and aligned ease rather than chase what’s easy. 

This piece, Maybe in a Few, I’m Enjoying the Flowers is about taking pause to welcome the gifts that come when you remain present, curious and open. A reminder to give yourself permission to choose what feels energetically right even when the "have tos", "need tos'' “should haves”, “would haves” and “could haves” monopolize your attention.